Please Step Away From The Mirror

Golbguru is aiming the reflection of his mirror at me, in his post The Weight of Stolen Money. Before reading his words, I have silently carried a similar burden, believing I am alone - not to mention a bit crazy for feeling the burden after so many years. Heck, I was 7 in 1st grade, how can I be tortured by this now over 31 years later.

Although, my offense was repeated - it is worse in my eyes. Why? Because I stole from my mother. You read that right - I stole from the woman who placed me on this planet. I have carried the shame since that awful day.

Funny, how you can remember these things like they are happening to you at this very moment. I wish I could turn it off, but like many of my regrets I feel them every day.

It was a warm day. We lived in a trailer park in the country - not far out country, but outside of the city limits. My mother gave me a few dollars and asked me to go get a gallon of milk and a loaf a bread. We had a little store, back before convenience stores ever existed, right across an empty field, in the subdivision of homes right next door. So, I took her money and headed out.

Now, this is not an excuse, but you need to understand...we were poor. We didn't get things like pop, chips, ice cream, candy or any of those other costly items. Most times, we didn't even have food in the house. So, going into that little store was like seeing a bit of heaven to my 7 year old self. Boy did I just salivate at everything I saw.

I got up to the counter and made the purchase and there was money left. I felt my pulse raise I was so excited. It wasn't often we had any money and there was just enough......for a Snickers Candy Bar. I couldn't help myself. I just kept thinking she will never miss that quarter or 30c (I can't remember the exact cost). So, I hurried and bought a little piece of heaven for myself.

When I returned home, with the candy bar hidden in my pocket, I put the grocery's on the counter and gave my mom the change that was left. That is when I discovered the POWER OF THE MOM. Learning that your mom knows everything is a scary reality. Which I have been known to reveal to my own kids, just to watch them gasp with a "how did you know".

My mother said "D, wheres the rest of my change?"

I was busted. I hauled my very sad butt, with my head down back to the little store and told the clerk "my mom didn't want the candy bar" and got the money back. I gave my mom the money and I slumped to my room in silence - full of shame.

Some day, I pray the burden of my poor choice will be lifted. Although as I get older I am not sure it will dissipate at all. Imagine how tall we could all stand if we never had a burden to carry. I'm sure I would be a different person without the burdens I carry and play over in my head regularly.